Schrodinger's Taco Shop

It was a cold January evening when Jakob and Tim finally found a parking space. The two were quiet as Tim squeezed his red 2003 Corolla into the space between two SUVs. Jakob uncurled his lanky frame from the small car and stretched while Tim squeezed out of his door and made sure he didn’t scratched the behemoth next to him.

"It's a bit of a walk from here, but I couldn't find a closer spot. Sorry." Tim said as he ran his hands through his shoulder-length hair.

"You should be sorry," Jakob said pointing behind him, "you left your lights on."

"I wha- oh, oops," Tim said before running back to his car.

"Don't worry about it," Jakob said when he got back, "if I had a car, I'm sure I'd forget the lights constantly. I can't even find my wallet most mornings."

"You don't always keep it in the same place?"

"Usually I forget to take it out of my pocket… So where are we going this time?" Jakob asked, wandering off topic.

"Mexican," Tim said as the walked down the busy street.

"Eww, not Mexican," Jakob said making a face, "didn't you see the thing on Channel 10 about the taco shop with all the rats and roaches and stuff?"

"This place isn't like that."

"You sure?" Jakob asked as he dodged a skateboarder.

"Yes," Tim said as they turned the corner, "There, it's the blue restaurant across the street."

"Well, it is better lit than the one on the news," Jakob admitted.

"Exactly," Tim said as they jaywalked to it.

"Is it going to be spicy?" Jakob asked, "I don't like it when it's spicy."

"'Course it will, it's Mexican, but you can ask them to make it mild if you're a total wuss," Tim said as he walked up to the counter.

Jakob tried to appeal his newfound wuss status, but was interrupted by the young woman behed the counter asking for their orders.

"Quiero dos Enchiladas del Diabla, no avocado y un tamarindo," Tim ordered in passable Spanish.

"That'll be $4.95," the woman said.

Tim paid and got out of the way, while Jakob ordered the least menacing looking item on the menu: a bean and cheese burrito with nothing on it, and a can of coke.

"You said it wrong," Jakob said as they waited for their food to arrive.

"Said what wrong?"

"Your order. It should have been ‘sin aguacate,’ not ‘no avocado.’ Plus you said del instead of de la"

"Wait, they don't say ‘avocado’ in Spanish?" Tim asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's aguacate"

"Huh. All these years…"

"What's wrong with avocados, anyway?" Jakob interrupted.

"I'm allergic."

"Oh, that's no good," Jakob said as the food arrived.

"Yeah, it sucks."

"I love avocados."

"I thought you didn't like Mexican?"

"When did I say that?" Jakob said through a mouthful of beans.

"Just now."

"Did not. Hey, this burrito is pretty good. How're your enchiladas?"

Tim chewed thoughtfully and sighed, "too spicy."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Tim said before taking a big gulp of his tamarindo.

"But you were all making fun of me when I said that I didn't like spicy foods."

"Well, I didn't expect it to be this spicy,” Tim said, doing his best to seem indignant.

"Oh please, you were showing off," Jakob said between bites of burrito.

"What?"

"Come on. Ordering in Spanish. Getting the spiciest thing on the menu. You were trying to impress me."

"I – that's ridiculous!" Tim was picking absent-mindedly at his enchiladas, not quite making eye contact.

"Yeah, you just say that."

"OK, I will."

[Optional Ending 1] As the two talked, argument turned to discussion, discussion turned to banter and by the time they left the restaurant, they were happily talking about their favorite 80's era cartoons. They both agreed that Transformers was better than GI Joe, even though they were too young to remember either show very well. Tim still had some of the toys. They walked back to Tim's car, agreed that the restaurant had been pretty good, and they returned to their respective houses. The end.

[Optional Ending 2] Tim discovered that his Enchiladas had avocado in them. His throat swelled shut while Jakob called an ambulance and prayed. [Optional Ending 2A] The paramedics arrived in the nick of time and Tim was able to recover from his near-death experience with only a mild headache. The end. [Optional Ending 2B] The paramedics arrived late and Tim died of suffocation. Jakob cried all through the funeral. The end.

[Optional Ending 3] As the two talked, argument turned to discussion, discussion turned to banter, and banter turned to flirtation. Eventually, Tim took Jakob home. [Optional Ending 3A] Jakob told Tim he was sorry, but they just didn't "click" and they never went on another date. Tim was left wondering if it had been something he said. The end. [Optional Ending 3B] Jakob kissed Tim good night and they made plans to go on another date soon. The end. [Optional Ending 3C] Jakob invited Tim up to his room and the two had sex. [Optional Ending 3C, Subsection 1] The two woke up in the morning together and made plans for another date. The end. [Optional Ending 3C, Subsection 2] Jakob woke alone and never saw Tim again. Two weeks later, Jakob was told by his doctor that he had contracted Chlamydia. The end.

[Optional Ending 4] The gas line below the restaurant ruptured due to poor maintenance. Both diners died instantly in the ensuing explosion. The end.

[Optional Ending 5] Jakob and Tim got into a heated argument over whether Transformers was better than GI Joe. [Optional Ending 5A] They both decided that the argument had been stupid and finished their meal in peace. The end. [Optional Ending 5B] The two eventually came to blows. It was the bloodiest fight that restaurant had that week. [Optional Ending 5B, Subsection 1] Eventually the cook ran out of the kitchen brandishing a greasy spatula and threw them out. Jakob didn't have a car, so he had to take the bus home. [Optional Ending 5B, Subsection 2] The fight was so bloody that people were afraid to intervene. By the time the cops arrived, Tim had a broken jaw and was missing two teeth. Jakob got off lucky with only a black eye, but he still had to take the bus home. The end.

[Optional Ending 6] Jakob got food poisoning from a rat dropping in his burrito and the restaurant was shut down by health inspectors. Tim and Jakob were both too traumatized to ever touch Mexican food again. The end.